currently re-listening to some nustyle gabber i used to bump on the daily in 2024. reminded me that despite his early releases, what i really want for my gabberhorse is some hard shit. however, because i tend to make what i feel like and put idea to keyboard, i haven't necessarily been able to do so that much. even though i bump nustyle when i'm really pissed off, i've never made it while i was pissed, and it's always just kinda ended up as a happy sound or a goofy hybrid with another genre. i kinda also don't think i've found the perfect synth yet... but when i do i will make some epic nustyle. it'd be a great outlet for me, because unlike rex between the ages of 4-6, i do not black out and start beating people up. i mourn that my anger issues have been tamed because i'm such a pushover lmao. that doesn't mean they're gone, that just means i'll have a very furious or a simple irritated look on my face while making passive aggressive insults at you. certainly better than #Some of the people in my family
i also think it's a little? hard to do an actually good nustyle song that draws you in. a lot of nustyle, at least modern stuff, has a sound to it that i don't really care for (but that goes for like... most hardcore made after 2012. and this is including current stuff from iconic artists in the scene, though they do still have semblence of their old sounds. i'm not saying you can't get better over time, i'm just saying i prefer the older hardcore sound.)
ok that was from two days ago
you may have seen on my neocities feed, but i did finally manage to make something uk hardcore-esq. i'm VERY excited about that because i love uk hardcore so much!! it sounds very gammer esq but at the same time my inspiration from scott brown is in there too i think. vengeance samples and guitar rig 6 galore but i love it, as long as i can achieve my dreams of being able to make that kinda stuff
part of me not being able to make that was that i was in a kind of "music block" which feels exactly like art block, and it sucks awefully regardless. i could pump out some mashcore slop since it is easy to express how i feel with the music that makes me feel something, but i grow weary of that damn balloon dog. i wanted to make my own melody to return to my roots of happy hardcore, and i can do that with my ability to recreate oldschool hardcore, but i wanted the new feeling of being able to make something that makes me feel on a different plane than normal oldschool. i wanted the 2000's kind, the upbeat heavenly reverb of the computer soul that let me dissociate when times were rough; because the computer gets me, the computer lets me live 4eva happily ever after. in ecstacyyyyyyyyy. i can just shut my eyes and now im dreaming about flying over a small beach town surrounded by forest similar to that of western washington.